Coming out at work

By now, most of you must know that I’m transgender. Being transgender is not an easy way to live. I grew up in constant depression because my brain did not identify with my body. Autopsies and MRI’s have shown that male and female brains are physiologically different, so when a person like me is given a female brain and a penis, the result is depression. It’s not just about body, but about identity. I was forced to do “guy” things, but it didn’t fit right with my spirit. Everything seemed wrong, so after a suicide attempt in February 2010, I had decided that in order to live I needed to change my gender.

In June 2010, I moved out of my marital home where I lived as a father to two sons, and started my life as a woman. My children were teenagers at this time, and my former spouse is a very good mother, so I knew that they would be fine without me. To the world around me I was a woman, but at work I was still presenting as a man. I was unsure if I should come out at work, because no one had ever changed their gender at work before and I was concerned about the fallout.

I have been a teleworker since 2003 and I only come in to the office on Tuesdays, so I thought that I could handle it. I would wear male clothes to go to work and would change to female clothes when I got home. But as the weeks went by, I was finding that it was too hard to do. I couldn’t sleep on Monday nights and I would cry when I drove home from the office. Eventually I was able to make contact with a counselor of the Employee Assistant Program (EAP) and she helped me see that for my mental well-being, I was going to have to come out at work.

The first thing I did was approach my team leader. Frankly I was scared but she has always been so kind and approachable, that I felt confident that she would listen to me. In order to keep my thoughts together I felt that it would be easier to write a letter for her to read. The letter described the depressed life I had been living and that I was going to have to transition at work if I was to get past the depression. While she was reading the letter, I sat there crying. I was opening up my soul to her and at this point there was no going back. After she read the letter, she looked at me and said “What can I do to help?” This provided a great relief to me and so we started to plan our strategy for my transition at work. Because I have been working for this department since 1982, I know a lot of people, so I felt that the best way to do this was to tell everyone in the division. I wanted to avoid the gossip and finger pointing and use this as a celebration of my life instead of a negative thing. As a member of the public service, I knew that the union and management would protect me, but I wanted more than that. I wanted understanding.

My team leader took the letter I had written and brought it to our manager, who took it to our assistant director. They were both sympathetic and agreed to help me with whatever I needed to ensure I could transition in safety and with respect. I also wanted the director and the union to be made aware, in case there was any backlash from the other employees.

A decision was made that I was to come out to my team on a Wednesday in December 2010. So on the preceding Monday, my manager had a meeting with all the team leaders in our division to advise them of what was going to happen. On Wednesday, at approximately the same time that I was meeting with my team, every other team in our division had a meeting, and everyone was given the same information. The backlash that I was prepared for never happened. It turns out that the employees of this department are caring and understanding. I received hugs from almost everyone in my team, and I was thanked for sharing my story and lauded for being so brave. The anxiety I have always felt was gone. I was finally able to live my life as the woman I that I am.

Five years after I came out, another person has changed their gender at work by using the same format that I used. But it was thanks to the support of the EAP, the management team, our director and our local union president that made our transition in the workplace go smoothly. It really shows that the Canadian federal government is a safe place for any member of the GLBT community.